8 replies to this topic

[Tulac]

Sorry for a bit rude language, auto censor will do it's part

Quote

Power metal:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon,
saves the princess and makes love with her in an enchanted forest.

Thrash metal:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and *meep*s
her.

Heavy metal:
The protagonist arrives on a harley davidson bike, kills the dragon, drinks
some beers and *meep*s the princess.

Folk metal:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordeons, violins,
flutes and many more instruments, the dragon falls asleep (by all the
dancing)...
Then all leave... Without the princess.

Viking metal:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe,
cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns
all the place before he leaves.

Death metal:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, *meep*s the princess and kills
her, then leaves.

Black metal:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in
front of the castle... Then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a
ritual before killing her... Then he impales the unvirgen princess.

Gore metal:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front
of the castle, *meep*s the princess and kills her...
Then he *meep*s the dead
body, slashes her belly and eats her guts... Then he *meep*s the carcass for
the third time, burns the corpse and *meep*s it for the last time.

Doom metal:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he
never could beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide... The
dragon eats his body and the princess as well... (the end of the sad
story).

Progressive metal:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes... The
dragon kills himself out of boredom... The protagonist arrives to the
princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the technics and tunes
learned in the last year of the conservatory... The princess escapes
looking for the heavy metal protagonist.

Glam metal:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs of the guy's appearance and lets
him enter... He then steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the
castle in a beautiful pink color.

Grind metal:
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for
about 2 minutes and then leaves..

[Juni Ori]

Excellent, Tulac, excellent! And so true...

[A. J. Raffles]

Wait... metal songs have protagonists??

[DakaSha]

haha ^^

a buddy of mine plays in a semi famous grindcore band. one things missing. sticking ones finger erm... somewhere

[A. J. Raffles]

DakaSha, on May 7 2006, 01:37 PM, said:

one things missing. sticking ones finger erm... somewhere

Oh, you mean as in Wimp Metal? The protagonist arrives, has a look at the dragon, starts picking his nose, gets a nosebleed and bleeds to death. The dragon eats the protagonist (carrion -yummy!) and the princess (fresh meat - yummy!) and lives happily ever after.

[DakaSha]

ok lets just leave it at that

[DeathDude]

Indeed very interesting where'd ya find this?

So guess you can put my band in the uh power/prog category.

Edit: Whoa whoa hang on a second, the list is missing speed metal! That's no true metal list. Booo

Edited by DeathDude, 07 May 2006 - 04:49 PM.

[Dvoe]

   Awesome!

And DD, 99% of the time speed metal is referred to as thrash metal.

[DeathSpark]

Thats a nice way to cover the titles   . Nice point of view, and it´s really true, jeje.